Blinx vs. Vexx Prelude

Video games have been a part of our lives of over four decades, and there plenty of well-known fictional characters that owe their existence to this form of media: Mario, Pac-Man, Sonic the Hedgehog; the list goes on.

But then there are those characters that are lost to the mists of time.

Davenport: Such as Blinx, the Time Sweeper…

Xamweth: And Vexx, the Guardian of Astara.

Davenport: He’s Xamweth Oudeis, and I’m Donald Davenport…

Xamweth: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

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Vexx
Race: Valdar
Age: Unknown (presumed to be in his late teens)

Davenport: Ah, Astara … Y’know, it’s a good planet to take a vacation on, if you’re the kind of guy who enjoys visiting a variety of landscapes, studying dozens of unique fauna and flora and seeing the aftermath of a planet-busting cataclysm.

Xamweth: Yeah, Astara’s definitely seen better days… and probably would’ve kept seeing those days if the Astani hadn’t gotten overambitious and built the Landspire in order to visit other worlds. When they finished building it, they activated the Rift System it contained and… everything went completely to pot.

Davenport: A race of demons called the Shadowraiths crashed the party and started annoying their new neighbours by trespassing on private property, pulling pranks on them and ripping their heads off. Of course, the Guardian of Astara decided to kick the Wraiths out, but only managed to beat down the first wave before kicking the bucket. The end result of this smackdown between the Shadowraiths and the Astani was the theft of all the Landspire’s energy and the destruction of Astara.

Xamweth: Seven hundred years later, the planet was reduced to large chunks of land drifting in a field of asteroids. Some of these chunks were still inhabitable, such a–

Davenport: Whoa, hold up there… how exactly is that meant to work?

Xamweth: Video game logic. Anyway, one such bit of land was the village of Overwood, which enjoyed a peaceful existence… until the leader of the Shadowraiths, Dark Yabu, discovered the village and attacked. Despite the best efforts of the village Guardian Vargas and his grandson Vexx, the entire village was forced to toil under the lash of Yabu’s forces in search of the Wraithearts, the last remnants of the first wave of Shadowraiths and the only possible means of powering the Landspire’s Rift System.

Davenport: Um, wouldn’t any organic materials have rotted away after seven hundred years? Just saying the game doesn’t exactly explain it…

Xamweth: According to the game’s lore (as little as there is), the Wraitheart never fades, even after the Shadowraith it belonged to is destroyed.

Davenport: … Uh-huh. Anyways, one day, after Vexx got himself smacked for helping his grandfather after he’d collapsed from exhaustion, the anger that had been building up from day one burst out, causing him to lash out at his oppressors. Sadly, he was caught by Yabu himself, who would’ve killed the kid if Vargas hadn’t chucked his pickaxe at him to save his grandson.

Xamweth: Outraged at this latest outburst, Yabu turned his wrath on the elderly guardian and mercilessly slaughtered him in front of a horrified Vexx. Stricken with hatred and sorrow, Vexx vowed vengeance against Yabu, escaping the mines and breaking into Yabu’s windship to find clues to the Wraith’s weakn–

Davenport: Um, windship?

Xamweth: You try figuring out another way to get to all those fragments of Astara.

Davenport: Yeah, I got that, but how can there be wind if there’s nothing connecting the pieces together? … Unless you’re talking about solar winds, in which case –

Xamweth: DONALD! Let’s just accept that it’s happening, and be done with it!

Davenport: Alrighty then, moving on: while aboard the windship, Vexx stumbled upon the Astani War Talons, the sacred artifacts that were used by the Astani Guardians to protect their home. Since Yabu had apparently been unable to destroy the weapons at the time, he’d locked them away in storage to make sure didn’t fall into the wrong – oh, excuse me, RIGHT – hands.

Xamweth: Those fears weren’t unfounded: the Talons took on a life of their own and permanently bound themselves to Vexx’s hands, the resulting outburst of energy destroying the ship and nearly killing Vexx. While unconscious, the Talons themselves informed him that Vargas’s soul had been bound to Yabu’s amulet so that the Wraith could feed on his pain and misery until he ceased to exist. By the time Vexx regained consciousness, the Talons had passed the knowledge of all the previous Guardians on to Vexx.

Davenport: Um, I have a question about that…

Xamweth: (annoyed) Oh for Cosmos’s sake, what now?!

Davenport: How did the Talons ‘take on a life of their own’ and ‘pass on the knowledge of all their previous owners’? You’re making it sound like they’re sentient.

Xamweth: They are, to an extent; we will get to that in a minute…

Davenport: Just checking… ahem, Vexx soon woke up in a place called the Hall of Heroes, where an old man named Darby informed him that he’d thought the kid dead and carried him there as it was where all the other Guardians were buried. To Vexx’s shock, he was told that Yabu had destroyed Overwood in his rage, leaving him and Darby as the last of the Valdar. As Darby was too old to fight on his own, he suggested that Vexx could beat Yabu to the locations of the Wraithearts and use them to power the Landspire in order to catch up to the Wraith and blow him up before he opened the path to his homeland, the Shadowrealm.

Xamweth: It’s a trap…

Davenport: …Vexx followed the elderly Valdar’s plan and collected several Wraithearts, placing them in the Landspire and using them to open ways to other parts of Astara in search of more Wraithearts.

Xamweth: It’s a trap…

Davenport: (annoyed) Once Vexx had collected enough Wraithearts, the way to the Landspire’s main chambers opened up. He met up with Darby and hurried there, hoping to stop Yabu before it was too late.

Xamweth: It’s a trap…

Davenport: WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT! … Ahem, anyway, instead of a monstrous Shadowraith, they found a woman named Reia, the last surviving member of the Astani. …Wait, how did she survive for seven hundred years? Unless the Landspire has a separate time flow, I don’t see how – (is smacked upside the head by Caliburn’s hilt) OW! Xamweth!

Xamweth: (sheathes Caliburn) Stop the logic; get to the point.

Davenport: Okay, okay, geez… Reia proceeded to viciously attack Darby, and to Vexx’s unpleasant surprise, Darby’s form twisted into that of his sworn enemy: Dark Yabu!

Xamweth: (grinning) Called it!

…

Davenport: Y’know, sometimes you remind me of Douglas…

Xamweth: Regardless, Yabu had been using Vexx as his pawn from the start, powering the Landspire through him in order to open the path to the Shadowrealm and unleash an army to destroy the remains of Astara, and afterwards use the Rift System to attack and destroy other worlds. Vexx furiously attacked the Wraith, but Yabu easily beat him and Reia back, stole the Keystaff that controlled the Rift System and escaped to the Shadowrealm, presumably sealing the way behind him so as to prepare his armies without being interrupted.

Davenport: Wow, all those centuries really took their toll; that Reia girl really ate it…

Xamweth: Anyway, Reia told Vexx that without the Keystaff, they would be unable to deactivate the Landspire. However, if Vexx collected more Wraithearts and used them to activate the structures on the three outer worlds, he would be able to override Yabu’s lock and enter the Shadowrealm.

Davenport: Shame there weren’t any programmers in Astara; hell, Douglas or Chase could’ve cracked the encryption in the matter of minutes.

Xamweth: I highly doubt it was a technological lock. Either way, Vexx collected enough Hearts to force the path open and jumped into the Shadowrealm to take Yabu down, and after a long and grueling duel…

Davenport: During which Vexx nicked Yabu’s amulet and by extension saved Vargas’s soul…

Xamweth: Vexx ultimately destroyed Yabu once and for all, exacting his revenge and reclaiming the Keystaff.

Davenport: Unfortunately, Vexx never got back home: after Yabu’s defeat, the Shadowrealm started collapsing around Vexx’s ears, destroying the way back to the portal to Astara. Realizing what he needed to do, Vexx threw the Keystaff through the gate as the world fell apart, succeeded into closing the Rift System and saving Astara at the cost of trapping himself in the remains of the Shadowrealm. … Y’know, if he was my kid, I’d be proud of him…

Xamweth: I thought you had kids?

Davenport: If HE was my kid, Xamweth; pay attention!

Xamweth: … A’ight… Well, let’s get to the bulk of the work: the combat capabilities!

ASTANI WAR TALONS
Powerful artifacts that were typically wielded by the Guardians of Astara
Are powerful enough to easily slice through solid stone
Implied to contain sentient spirits
Increases his physique to superhuman levels, boosting his jumping and swimming abilities

Davenport: Right then, Vexx’s weapons are the Astani War Talons which, as stated earlier, were traditionally wielded by Astana’s Guardians in the protection of their planet. They are also tough enough to slice through solid stone with ease, and implied to contain sentient spirits.

Xamweth: Plus, the energies contained within improve his physique to impressive levels, boosting his jumping and swimming abilities significantly.

TALON CHARGE
Can be gathered from attacking enemies
Used to charge a powerful super mode that doubles Vexx’s speed and allows him to fire blasts of energy from his hands

Davenport: Speaking of energies, if Vexx gets enough from attacking enemies, he can enter a temporary state where he can shoot Hadoukens and move at twice his original speed! … Wait, how does attacking enemies charge a super mode?

Xamweth: (annoyed) Do you want me to smack you again?!

Davenport: Okay, okay, shutting up…

ELEMENTAL SUITS
Rock Suit
- Makes Vexx invincible and hot as lava
- Lets Vexx to smash through objects that he otherwise couldn’t
- Extremely heavy, cutting his jumping height in half and causing him to sink in water like a stone
Air Suit
- Enables Vexx to fly long distances
- Colliding with walls can cause the Suit to wear off
- If the Suit wears off in midair, Vexx is in for a long fall…

Xamweth: Anyways, the Talons do more than supercharge movement; they also tap into the elements themselves in the form of the Elemental Suits.

Davenport: The Rock Suit renders Vexx invincible and allows him to punch through otherwise indestructible objects like a hot knife through butter, at the cost of severely increasing his weight, negating his swimming ability and cutting his jumping ability in half.

Xamweth: Also, the Air Suit gives Vexx a pair of wings and let him fly for long distances. But Vexx needs to be careful, because if the Suit wears off while in midflight, Vexx has got lots of air below him and nothing to break his fall…

Davenport: Yeah, because if the kid collides with anything, that Suit is gone. … Geez, those must be some weak wings; though how they hold him up if they’re so fragile is beyond me…

Xamweth: (cracks knuckles while giving Davenport an annoyed glare)

Davenport: … Let’s get to the combat techniques before Xamweth punches me through the wall…

TECHNIQUES
Three-Hit Combo
- … Exactly what it says in the name; a three-slash combo from the Talons
Alternate Slash Combo
- Two slashes, then after a moment’s hesitation follows with an overhead punch and an uppercut
Charged Punch
- Two slashes, then after charging energy with his fist, slams down with a powerful overhead punch
Four-Hit Combo
- A Charged Punch followed by a powerful sky-high uppercut
Rage Attack
- Rapid flurry of multiple punches
Flare Kick
- A midair vertical spinning kick; can be used to break falls in midair
Ground Pound
- Charges a sphere of energy, then throws it into the ground for an overhead attack; can be used to break falls in midair
Uppercut
- … Exactly what it says in the name; springing from a crouched position with a strong uppercut

Xamweth: Smart man. Right then, thanks to the Talons’ teachings, Vexx has acquired lots of knowledge on combat, including the classic three-hit combo, the uppercut, the rapid-fire barrage of punches and the midair kick.

Davenport: Yeah, but how does that transfer to his fighting skills? I mean, it’s one thing to know how to do something; it’s another thing entirely to be able to do it…

Xamweth: Video game logic.

Davenport: And that’s another thing; apparently the Flare Kick can stop a rapid descent. I mean, the Ground Pound could potentially break falls due to the shockwave, but the kick doesn’t have that excuse.

Xamweth: (annoyed) Video game logic…

Davenport: Though you could make the argument that the Flare Kick could generate enough centripetal force to –

Xamweth: (furious) DONALD! For the love of the Great Will, if you keep nitpicking the logic, we’re going to be here all day!

…

Davenport: Alright, fine, I’ll just look the other way...

Xamweth: Thank you… Well, with that done, let’s talk about Vexx’s flaws.

WEAKNESSES
Can only withstand six fatal hits before dying
Elemental Suits only last a short time before wearing off
May have a tremendous temper, which can cause problems in the heat of battle

Davenport: Gotcha; well, Vexx has got a few anger issues that could cause problems down the line. For example, if his temper gets set off, that could cause him to lash out recklessly and open himself up to heavy punishment.

Xamweth: Plus, the Elemental Suits only last a short time before wearing off, and he can only last six hits before biting the bag and stepping out the door.

Davenport: (turns to Xamweth with a look of confusion)

Xamweth: … That means dying.

Davenport: Ah, right, I, uh, got that, I understood that reference…

FEATS
Saved Astara from complete destruction
Destroyed Yabu, a Shadowraith
- Shadowraiths have been labeled as being almost impossible to kill
Collected at least sixty Wraithearts (some of which were near-impossible to reach)
Was intelligent enough to figure out the riddles that revealed the locations of the Wraithearts

Xamweth: No you didn’t. Anyway, in his one adventure, he has proven himself smart enough to solve the riddles that detailed how to find the Wraithearts, collected at least sixty of them (some of which were damn near impossible to get (and trust me, I know that from experience…)) and destroyed the Shadowraith Yabu, which may not seem like much until you remember that Shadowraiths are said to be nearly impossible to kill.

Davenport: Damn, that is one tough kid…

Xamweth: Too right! Shame Acclaim went bankrupt; Vexx could’ve been a household name…

(Vexx is standing with his back to the camera and surrounded by monsters, he then turns around and flies at the camera with a vicious punch)

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Xamweth: … Before we start, I’d like to make a note that any attempts at logic will be nuked. Ya got that, Donny?

Davenport: Yes, I got it, Xammy…

Xamweth: … Don’t call me Xammy…

Davenport: Only if you don’t call me Donny!

Xamweth: … Whatever, let’s just get on with it…

Blinx
Occupation: Time Sweeper
Age: Unknown
Race: Cat

Outside of the flow of Time, there exists a place known as the Time Factory, which is dedicated to the creation, distribution and maintenance of Time throughout the multiverse.

Davenport: Wow, the whole multiverse? That must be a lot of responsibility…

Xamweth: More than you know; if the higher-ups detect glitches and corruptions in the flow of Time in any dimension, they send in secret agents known as Time Sweepers to fix them before they mutate into Time Monsters, which could potentially roam the dimensions and warp whatever they come across.

Davenport: Geez, and I thought I had problems… I’m guessing Blinx is one of those Time Sweepers?

Xamweth: Bingo; and he was about to get the job of his life …

Davenport: One day, a bunch of time thieves called the Tom-Tom Gang started making time glitches all over the world B1Q64, hoping to pinch the resulting Time Crystals and selling to the highest bidder. Unfortunately for everyone in that dimension, this ended up creating an entire army of Time Monsters, causing the guys at the Time Factory to decide to pull the plug on B1Q64’s time flow and freeze the world in a permanent state of suspended animation.

Xamweth: However, Blinx got a desperate letter from the princess of that world, begging for someone to save her home. Thus, despite all orders from the rest of the Time Factory’s staff telling him otherwise, he grabbed his gear and headed for B1Q64 to prevent its destruction.

Davenport: Typical; there’s always a ‘save the princess’ plotline…

Xamweth: … Ratchet and Clank? Frozen? A Series of Unfortunate –

Davenport: Okay, most of the time! Happy?

Xamweth: Anyway, after destroying all the Time Monsters and collecting all the Time Crystals he could, he headed over to the world’s capital city, Momentopolis, where the Tom-Tom Gang had set up their base and stashed all the Time Crystals they’d pinched, as well as the princess. Blinx was all ready to kick the Tom-Tom Gang out of B1Q64…

Davenport: … and that would’ve happened if all those Time Crystals hadn’t reacted to each other and fused together to form an unholy abomination of a Time Monster that was so dangerous it could warp the flow of Time itself: the Time Golem.

Xamweth: Thankfully for the multiverse, its reign of terror was short-lived; Blinx was able to destroy the demon and save B1Q64 from destruction. Then, after kicking the Tom-Tom Gang out, restoring the flow of Time and receiving a heartfelt thank you from the princess, Blinx returned home, where he was congratulated by his colleagues and (possibly) promoted, while the CEO announced that B1Q64 would not be cut off from the Time Factory.

Davenport: And so everything worked out well for everyone involved! … Well, except the Tom-Tom Gang…

TS-X7 SUPREME LEVEL 3+ SWEEPER
A Time Sweeper’s main method of attack
Blinx’s most powerful Sweeper
Can quickly suck up objects weighing up to sixteen tons
Can suck up water, sand, and fire
Can hold up to ten items
Shoots projectiles with both ice and fire properties

Xamweth: Obviously… Anyway, a Time Sweeper’s main method of attack is the Sweeper.

Davenport: (starts stifling chuckles)

Xamweth: (glares at Davenport) What’s so funny?

Davenport: Oh, nothing, nothing, it’s just, it looks like a vacuum clea- (breaks down into a chuckling fit) Wh-what, do Time Monsters take the form of dust bunnies?

Xamweth: … That ‘vacuum cleaner’ is designed to suck up objects and shoot them out like projectiles. Plus, for this fight, we’re giving him his most powerful Sweeper: the TS-X7 Supreme Level 3+ Sweeper, which imbues projectiles with both ice and fire properties, can hold up to ten items, and can quickly suck up water, fire, sand and items weighing up to sixteen tons.

Davenport: (freezes in shock)

…

Xamweth: … 3, 2, 1…

Davenport: HOW BIG ARE THOSE DUST BUNNIES?!

Xamweth: There it is… anyways, the Time Sweeper’s bread and butter is not their Sweeper, believe it or not; it’s the flow of Time itself!

TIME CONTROLS
Allows Time Sweepers to control the flow of time
Pause
- Stops the flow of time
- Sweepers are unaffected by this Control
Slow
- Slows the flow of time to half its normal speed
- Sweepers move at normal speed
Rewind
- Reverses the flow of time
- Sweepers are unaffected by this Control
Fast Forward
- Speeds the flow of time for Sweepers to double speed
- Sweepers are invincible while using this command, but only for one hit
Record
- Copies the Sweeper’s actions for a short time, then rewinds that time and creates a copy of the Sweeper that does exactly what the Sweeper did while the Record was being used
- Sweepers are invincible while using this command
- Enemies will only see the copy
Retry
- If the Sweeper is killed, then a Retry will rewind time to a point where a Sweeper is about to be killed, with more than enough time to evade what would’ve killed them
Sweepers can hold up to ten Time Controls (excluding Retries), and nine Retries

Davenport: Um, uh, yeah, the Time Controls… because apparently Time acts like an old video recorder, because Blinx can Pause, Rewind, and Slow Time while being unaffected by the Controls’ effects. Plus he can Fast-Forward his own time, and create indestructible copies of himself with Record.

Xamweth: Plus he has Retries, which means if Blinx kicks the bucket, he will automatically rewind time to a point that gives him more than enough time to avoid whatever killed him.

Davenport: Blinx is able to hold up to nine Retries and ten Time Controls at any one time, which could cause problems down the line if it weren’t for the availability of Time Crystals!

TIME CRYSTALS
Glitches in Time in crystalline form
Allows Sweepers to replenish their Time Controls
- Blue Crescents restore Pause Control
- Yellow Stars restore Slow Control
- Purple Crosses restore Rewind Control
- Orange Pyramids restore Fast Forward Control
- Green Diamonds restore Record Control
- Red Hearts restore Retries
Can only be collected in sets of four and in a certain order, or else they are lost
- Three-of-a-kind restores one Time Control
- Four-of-a-kind restores two Time Controls

Xamweth: Ah yes, these crystallized time glitches can be used to replenish a Time Sweeper’s supplies of Time Crystals and Retries. However, if Blinx doesn’t collect them in a certain order, well, he can kiss those Crystals goodbye!

Davenport: Mind you, it would be kinda easy to collect a set of three-of-a-kind Crystals of a group of four…

Xamweth: (glare) You’re not using logic again, are you?

Davenport: No I’m not; I’m just pointing it out…

Xamweth: Good. Anyway, despite all this, Blinx is not without faults.

WEAKNESSES
Each Time Control only lasts ten seconds each
Blinx possesses no means of close-range combat
Sweepers can only contain ten objects at a time
In-game, Blinx cannot even withstand a single hit without Retries
- Sometimes Retries can fail to function properly

For example, each individual Time Control only lasts ten seconds each, thus if he makes a mistake, he won’t have much time to fix it. Plus, he is hopeless at close-range combat so if he runs out of ammo for his Sweeper, he’s defenseless. And finally, Blinx is about as sturdy as an ice cube in an oven; he can barely withstand a single hit without his Retries, and those don’t… always…

Davenport: (is just sitting there fidgeting and twitching uncontrollably) …

Xamweth: … work … Uh, you doing alright there, Donald?

Davenport: No no, I-I’m fine, just-just, uh…

…

Xamweth: (sighs) Alright then, what logical fallacies d-

Davenport: (rapid-fire) Locations-cannot-exist-outside-of-time-because-all-things-are-subject-to-its-flow-also-glitches-in-time-are-logically-metaphysical-at-best-and-cannot-manifest-into-physical-objects-like-organic-lifeforms-and-crystals-plus-how-did-the-princess-manage-to-send-that-letter-between-dimensions-and-why-did-it-go-to-Blinx-I-mean-it-could-have-just-as-easily-gone-to-another-Time-Sweeper-also-how-could-all-those-Time-Crystals-react-to-each-other-when-there-was-no-instance-of-them-doing-that-at-any-time-prior-to-the-end-of-the-game-and-speaking-of-which-why-wasn’t-Blinx-at-the-very-least-reprimanded-for-disobeying-the-orders-of-his-superiors-and-how-can-a-vacuum-cleaner-have-that-much-suction-power-and-how-can-it-hold-up-to-160-tons-and-carry-items-so-large-in-the-ammunition-cartrage-also-why-would-it-need-the-ability-to-suck-up-sand-I-mean-why-would-there-be-a-point-for-that-also-wouldn’t-the-time-controls-cause-more-glitches-for-Time-Sweepers-to-clean-up-and-collecting-Crystals-four-at-a-time-seems-like-a-really-slow-means-of-fixing-glitches-and-would-not-be-anywhere-near-efficient-also-why-wouldn’t-they-have-trained-the-Time-Sweepers-in-close-range-combat-I-mean-if-they-run-out-of-ammo-so-easily-it-would-be-kinda-hard-to-fight-without-any-sort-of-gun-if-they-had-no-close-combat-training! (seizes glass of water and chugs it down)

Xamweth: … You done?

Davenport: (puts glass down) Not quite; if the Retries suffer from glitches, it would have been kinda easy to fix, don’t you think?

Xamweth: (raises eyebrow)

Davenport: … Now I’m done.

Xamweth: Good; now let’s wrap this up.

Davenport: Gotcha; even with his flaws, Blinx is still a formidable hero. He has survived encounters with monsters of all shapes and sizes, and has even gotten out of having his powers turned against him. If Blinx comes to help your dimension, you’d better be following his orders.

Xamweth: … (angry) Which is why demoting Blinx from being a playable character in the sequel was such a horrible idea! No wonder the series tanked so soon; I mean, why remove Blinx from the spotlight if you’re going to put his name in the title?!

Davenport: Uh, I think the main reason was because the time manipulation was gimmicky at best…

Xamweth: YOU’RE NOT HELPING! I swear when I get my hands on the idiots in charge of ‘Blinx 2’, I just-just – GRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! (bursts into Feral Chaos form and starts charging around the office and breaking things)

Davenport: Whoa, uh, okay, well, we’ll be right back, folks; right after Xamweth calms DOWN!

(Xamweth indirectly charges at Davenport, causing him to duck and unintentionally make Xamweth attack the camera, and then everything cuts to static)

(Blinx rushes to the portal to B1Q64. We see a close-up of Blinx's determined face before he jumps through the portal.)

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